It’s been an odd couple of weeks for me. I had to kick myself into a little action after removing all the excuses to postpone said action. I still find myself jumping between elation and pure terror.
And then my mom asked me this:
“You believe in yourself, but do you trust yourself?”
I don’t want to answer. Why? Because if I say yes, I do trust myself, I would be lying. But if I admitted that I don’t trust myself, that would be so much worse.
What a vile thought! Yes – I believe in myself. Of course I do. My talents have their limits but they are not non-existent. But do I really trust myself to follow through on them? Do I trust myself to succeed? Do I?
Now take it further – with the video I posted on Friday in mind if you will and ask yourself this:
“You believe in God – but do you trust in Him?”
Now – by all means – substitute God with whatever it is that you believe in – but still ask yourself the trust question. Because this is where I am: I believe in an incredible God. I believe in a God who wants me to succeed. I believe in a God who loves my creativity and longs for my happiness. I believe in a God of pure goodness. But do I trust Him? Do I trust him enough to let go of the reigns. do I trust that when I leap, the net will magically appear?
Yes! Yes I do!! But up until I was asked the question, my control issues were in play. Control issues so strong that I wouldn’t even let them go and trust myself never mind a higher power.
How sickening to think that perhaps I might have doubted myself and my own spirituality! Without even realizing that I was doing it!
So – I would like to say this: Nadine, I trust you. And I trust in the God who longs for only good things in your life. Leap. The net is waiting. It surely does not matter that you cannot see it.